Cheater cheater lemon eater!!!

FORGIVE ME LADY FOR I HAVE SINNED.

And here is my confession.

In a tournament last year I played two games with one more unit than I should have had.

In a game at Clash of kings I grabbed loot counters and ran away at my full speed even though it was reduced.

At another tournament I surged my Revenant king on flying wyrm into a flank and it doesn’t have surge.

These are my sins. I’m only coming clean because recently there was an incident at the US Clash of Kings where a guy was decided to be cheating and forced to use house dice (funnily, he lost his last two games after that…..). I can’t pass judgement on this because I wasn’t there, don’t know all the details and what I did see, I read in a slew of Facebook opinions and hearsay. Hell, he might even have been innocent and such an overwhelming avalanche of bad coincidence made him look so guilty, fate had already damned him. I don’t know. It was pretty shocking though as Kings of War has been the friendliest and fairest tournament scene I’ve ever been involved with. I’ve had to break up a shouting match at a Warhammer GT. I’ve thrown a game of Lord of the Rings making bad moves just because the guy was so mind numbing that I wanted it over ASAP. I’ve had to threaten a guy at a Horus Heresy tournament because he was cheating so badly, even openly saying I hadn’t rolled what I had rolled. ‘That’s a 5!’ “No it was a 3”. Seriously. And he did it repeatedly. 

So why cheat? What’s the psychology? It’s the pack mentality, to be the biggest and best in the pack. It feels good to be the best. It feels good to be a winner. You get to get up in front of all your peers and lauded as the best among them. And to be the best at Clash of Kings or Masters? Wow! You’re the best of the best. You’re Daniel Larusso at the end of the Karate Kid while ‘You’re the best’ is blazing in the background! You are Mr R. Balboa with a bloodied glove in the air as ‘Heart on fire’ plays. You did it. You tested yourself against everyone else, even if it was only a game of toy soldiers, it was intense and it means a lot. Only, it doesn’t if you lie to get there. You are not that good. Everything is legal so long as you don’t get caught.

So it comes down to what’s most important to you. Being the best or having people think that you’re the best? Is the adoration worth more than your own personal sense of achievement?

It’s a personal choice. But if you want that high from cheating then that high will be nothing compared to the hate and scorn you receive if you get caught. Perhaps that thrill of getting caught is half the fun. It calls to mind Wynona Ryder getting caught shoplifting. She didn’t need to but she clearly was getting off on the thrill of the danger. The morality is questionable. But morality is a blurred line for some people. 

I am my own best and worst judge. I love when I do well and strive to succeed but if I don’t then I only have myself to blame, not my opponent. You can’t please everyone in life and if you want to do what you want to do then you have to learn to ignore others opinions. Especially when you’ve led a life like mine! As a result I’ve learned to judge myself than worry what others think. If I win I want to know that I’ve won.

So my confessions? 

It’s true. I used an extra horde of Villeins that I shouldn’t have. The tournament was escalating in points, 5 games over the day. But with 3 lists to keep an eye on over 5 games, with not a great amount of sleep….. I cocked up. I noticed in turn 5 of my second game at that point level. I also had forgotten a unit in my first game too. Weirdly I won that game and lost the two with an extra unit. It kind of rescued me as I didn’t have to come clean. Hell, it even gave my opponents extra stuff to kill. Embarrassing. 

A game at Clash of Kings 2019 my opponent Richard Miles snatched a loot token and did a runner. I only just remembered that it reduced a unit to speed 5 which meant I was eventually able to catch them and get the loot. I then went on to grab the two other tokens and run off at speed 7, totally forgetting the rule I’d just pointed out to Richard. I won the game which I felt guilty about but told him later. I’d have won anyway (I think….) but it would have been much closer and I’d probably have got away with 2 loot tokens instead of all 3. In my defence, Richard is a lovely guy and very understanding, plus he’d forgotten too!

And recently I surged my Revenant king on flying wyrm into the flank of a unit of knights. It was only my second game using it and the wraiths and was having loads of fun flying and surging things everywhere. I only noticed a couple of days after that it didn’t have surge. The game was down to the wire and rested on a single dice roll…. And he won. Which was lucky as I would have felt really bad as it was his first tournament too!

So I cheated. Not intentionally, so I can forgive myself but I DO feel guilty for not coming clean. And a little ashamed for getting something so wrong. I’ll occasionally forget the odd dice roll or spell, or forget something was wavered and sometimes I’ll ask if it’s okay to go back a teeny bit. Other times I’ll not ask as a punishment to myself. It’s my own fault and it’s a good lesson for me to pay more attention to what I’m doing. Sometimes my opponent will ask. Sometimes I’ll point out their mistakes to my detriment because I want to win on my merits, not their forgetfulness. Sometimes I won’t because it’s a crucial moment and I can almost taste that big fat juicy win…..

We are all at home to Mr Cock up now and again and one of the best thing about the community is that everyone understands that. 

The difference is that guilt. The difference is your intent. Cheating is when you start doing it on purpose. The choice is there. Make the right one kids.